What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
