You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
