Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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