Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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