I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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