Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the day after is always just damage control
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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