so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
