I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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