I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
