Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
