Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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