i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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