Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
