The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
