I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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