The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
