I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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