I wish I only lived at night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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