It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
