There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
