I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Let's paint friendship bongs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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