I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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