You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
