I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
