sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
