Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
