there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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