I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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