I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
