sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize