What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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