Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
