he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
