You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize