I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
