I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
