Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
