people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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