I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
