I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
