A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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