he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
