I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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