what day is it and did you see me today?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
