I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
