My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
