TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
