if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Operation Purity has been aborted
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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