What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
