3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
