I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
