i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
