i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
