omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
