I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
