I wish I could punch you in the face.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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