its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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