I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
