By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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