yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize