Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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