I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
