And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
