So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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