just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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