i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
