1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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