I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
