No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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