peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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