Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't want my vagina anymore.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
