i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
