So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
