I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
