Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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