Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
