Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
