I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
