I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
there is glitter all over my balls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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