I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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