just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
