dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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