I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
