I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
