...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
