their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize