Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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