when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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