I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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