even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
