i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
