Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
