He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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