He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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