His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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